We all love a good laugh – Here are a few jokes you can share with your hunting partner while you are both waiting for that big buck to come into view.
1. The 911 Call
Two hunters are hunting in the woods when one suddenly grabs his chest and falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing; his eyes are rolled to the back of his head.
The other hunter whips out his cell phone and calls 911. In a frantic state, he desperately yells to the operator, “I think my friend is dead! What should I do?”
In a calming voice, the operator says, “Take it easy and follow my instructions. First, lets make sure he’s dead.” There is silence. Then, a shot is heard. The guy’s voice comes back on the line, “Okay. Now what?”
2. Bear Hunting Fail
Two hunters were driving through the country to go bear hunting. They came upon a fork in the road where a sign read “BEAR LEFT”. So they went home.
3. Smart Thinking Gone Wrong
There were these two guys out deer hunting when they came upon an old, abandoned mine shaft. Curious about it’s depth they threw in a pebble and waited for the sound of it striking the bottom. They heard nothing. They went and got a bigger rock, threw it in and waited. Still nothing.
They searched the area for something larger and came upon an old railroad tie. With great difficulty, the two men carried it to the opening and threw it in. While waiting for it to hit bottom, a pack mule suddenly darted between them and leapt into the mysterious hole. The guys, standing there with astonishment from the actions of the mule, barely noticed when another deer hunter walked up beside them.
“Have you seen my pack mule anywhere in the area?” the stranger asked.
“Yes,” they both answered, “One just ran and jumped into the mine shaft in front of us.”
The man replied, “That couldn’t be my mule. Mine was tied to an old railroad tie with a long rope.”
4. An Old Deer Hunter Goes To The Bar
An old deer hunter dressed head to foot in camouflage went into a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat there sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him.
After she ordered her drink, she turned to the deer hunter and asked, “Are you a real deer hunter?”
He replied, “Well, I’ve spent my whole life in the woods, tracking deer, stalking deer and shooting deer, so yes, I guess I am a real deer hunter.” After a short while he asked her what she was.
She replied, “I’ve never been in the woods. I am a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. I get up in the morning thinking of women, when I eat, shower, watch TV everything makes me think about women.”
A short while later she left, the deer hunter ordered another drink.
A couple sat down next to him and asked, “Are you a real deer hunter?”
The deer hunter replied, “Well I always thought I was a deer hunter, but I just found out that I’m a lesbian.”
5. A Scandulous Secret
A woman is in bed with her husband’s best friend when the phone rings.
Her phone rings and she answers. Her lover looks over at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation…
She is speaking in a cheery voice and says, “Hello? Oh, hi. I’m so glad that you called. Really? That’s wonderful. I am so happy for you. That sounds terrific. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye bye.”
She ends the phone conversations and places it back on the nightstand. Her lover asks, “Who was that?”
“Oh” she replies, “That was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he’s having on his deer hunting trip with you.”
6. Small Misunderstanding
Two guys were hunting and one accidently shot the other. The one hunter rushed his injured friend to the hospital. The doctor came out of the emergency room and the worried hunter asked him if his buddy was going to live. The doctor paused for a moment, blankly looked at the camo-streaked man’s face and replied, “He probably would have if you hadn’t field dressed him.”
7. Missing Mother-In-Law
A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the wife awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother. The hunter picked up his rifle and started to look for her. In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight; the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush with a large male lion facing her. The wife cried, “What are we going to do?”
“Nothing,” said the hunter husband. “The lion got himself into this mess; let him get himself out of it.”
What’s your favorite hunting joke? Share in the comments below!